Manage anger is key. As if the health threat of the coronavirus, mandatory lockdowns, and continuous social-distancing requirements hadn’t been enough to fray our nerves:
Anger is brewing—and erupting—everywhere!
Feeling upset, and even angry, over social and racial injustices is neither abnormal nor bad. It is the manifestation of the sadness, worries, and uncertainty many of us feel right now. And it can be a powerful motivator to bring about change—individually as well as collectively.
The problem comes in when anger never ceases or when it isn’t managed through positive, proactive coping tools. Unprocessed and unmanaged anger has the nasty habit of exploding into aggressive behavior.
So, what can we do to contain anger before it leads to that point? And how can we harness its power constructively?
Positive, calming, and productive ways to deal with anger:
Identifying and Acknowledging Our Anger
To curb anger, we have to know what’s happening with us, and that requires self-monitoring. Staying aware and attuned to our emotions helps us to identify the signs that we are angry—be that a momentary feeling of upset or a deep-seated indignation. And instead of denying or suppressing that feeling, we need to allow ourselves to feel our displeasure. There’s nothing wrong with that—at least for a short period of time!
It can even be beneficial to write down our feelings about the situation that makes us angry. We can describe what happened, how it affects us, how it may have impacted and changed our life, and what we think may come from the event. Writing our thoughts and feelings down will help bring clarity and get us ready to move forward and address our anger in constructive ways.
Focusing on What Contributes to Positivity
Dwelling on negative thoughts, especially related to the incident that made us upset, is one of those things that keeps our arousal level high and fuels our upset. So it’s very important that we watch what we feed our mind. And that particularly means limiting our exposure to continuous media coverage related to the incident. It’s good to be informed, but all that negative information will only leave us feeling worse and angrier.
Conversely, when we make an effort to focus on what contributes to positivity in our life, our indignation will subside. That doesn’t mean we’re sticking our head in the sand or trying to sweep the issue under the rug. But tempering our anger will create space to ponder on positive ways to address the upsetting situation with a response coming from a calm state, not a reaction incited by anger.
Manage Anger Into Constructive Actions
As mentioned at the outset, manage anger can be a powerful force to bring about change. We don’t have to apologize for being upset about injustices. What’s important is that we turn our anger into constructive actions that yield positive results. For that to happen, as noted throughout this article, our indignation has to be tempered and harnessed in positive ways.
For instance, helping someone in need or treating someone kindly are some of the simplest actions that can give us a sense of control as individuals. It reminds us that we’re not powerless against injustices and biases, but that we can do something to effect change. It starts with each one of us taking steps to embrace diversity and build relationships, especially with those who are different from us.
Something Else to Keep in Mind…
Deep-seated anger about continuous social, racial, and political injustices often gets passed on from one generation to the other. As parents, it’s important that we model for our children the behavior we want them to learn.
By being an example for our children on how to deal with the anger we feel. Remember, our children watch us all the time, and they have their own feelings about what they observe in the world around them. We can help them deal with these emotions in a positive way by being open with them about things like injustices and by modeling good anger management ourselves.
Dealing with the anger stirred by social and racial injustices is a complicated issue. It’s commendable when you strive to make big changes that will benefit others. However, even if your impulse might tell you that you need to do something right now, in order to take positive and constructive actions, you must be able to stop and think calmly and clearly.
If you would like to know how therapy can help you with anger management, please feel free to contact me.